Everyone around her spoke of the same thing. This new chapter. The self-discovery. New people. The real start to her life, four years that will shape the next forty. Walking into her childhood bedroom now felt painful. She hated seeing her old bedding, framed pictures, but mainly her stuffed animals. Even the mall now felt poignant as she wandered around it, desperately clinging on to the opportunity of a new distraction. Right in the hub of all of her favorite stores was a shop specializing in childrens’ toys. It was inescapable. But it was still hard not to look. They had more than just Legos and dollhouses lined along the towering shelves. The things they hoarded were extraordinary. Some huge, larger than any child that would beg their parents for it. All were expensive. 

Today, she allows something to pull her through its tall arches and linger around, as though there would be something she’d bring home with her. For only a moment, she allows herself to pretend that she doesn’t have to learn to move on. 

She finds herself stuck in front of a plush dog. A cotton tongue dangles out of a brightly grinning mouth, its long chocolate ears hanging on the side of its head. Its belly is a light beige. She reminds herself that it is just a lump of cotton all stitched together, nothing more. But the fabric it’s stitched together with has to be the softest material the company could possibly find. She smooths her hand over it, before softly grasping its paw between her delicate fingertips. 

Down the aisle, a young boy, barely a toddler, squeals at the sight of the same doll, only gray. His mother grins, before grabbing it off the shelf and placing it in his arms. It only makes him giddier, and he hugs the toy like it has offered him all the candy in the world and exempted him from preschool. 

She wants to be happy for him. She is happy for him. She convinces herself of that. She smiles at his joy. Therefore, she is happy for him. How could she not be? But still, she can’t help but ponder that perhaps if she had kept her own child, would he or she love the toy all the same?